if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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