just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I heard we made out
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So vagazzling was a success
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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