About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize