My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
