if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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