Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize