MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You ruined the universe
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
