I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
