I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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