i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Come share oat with me in your robe
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
