i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
