so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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