i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
