Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
