so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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