She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm really busy with my period
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