im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she told me i tasted like america
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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