he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
