the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize