Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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