So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
