it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
