Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize