i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
