She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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