I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Boobs speak an international language.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
