So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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