I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it because I queefed?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
