a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
