a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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