aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
