I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
