She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize