I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
