I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
