take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
