Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
