The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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