he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
