On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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