he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
