Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
