also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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