did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize