new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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