Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
