Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
