i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
