im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
