dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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