he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I will pee on everything he values.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
