Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
