i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just cut my nipple shaving
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
