she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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