Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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