You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
