Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
