You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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