do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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