so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
