I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
