How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
