I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
