Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
