just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
