My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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