Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love how my cats smell like pot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
