I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
