Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
