i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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