is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i now understand why vodka
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
