I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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