I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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