Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These tits shall not be calmed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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