Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize